So many times when working with a female client addressing a “relational issues”- a women in their 20 or 30′ or 40′ probably, I hear the same complaint when describing their partner’s behavior. – He did this to me- or He does not care about my feeling.,!
The situation gets out of control and the blaming game begins again. It’s easy to lose perspective into the real issue, but the point is the people involved in the conflict have missed the point long ago, forgetting what they are really trying to accomplish. ..sounds familiar ?
Some may related.
It is not uncommon for us, women, give our power away in intimate relationships, losing sights of the original motivation, which is to feel happy, nurtured and appreciated.
Despite the challenges affecting the nature of a relationship, and all efforts to get a healthy one; it comes a time when feeling exhausted and confused reaches high level of frustration and sense of powerlessness.
It seems natural to experience intimate relationships as “work in progress”, mixed with good and not so good times -no doubt. However if having more times of frustration and anxiety in your relationship (or the prospect of having one) is the norm, perhaps is time to see where you power is. Most likely you giving it all away !
Here is an interesting discussion. Over analyzing every situation or problem with your partner won’t help either. BUT bring some insights and “power back”practices could be a tremendous help.
Here some Power Practices guideline you can start NOW ;
1-The practice of assume less and express more. Instead of jumping to conclusions about your partner’s behavior and assuming all sort of things; “He migh not love me otherwise he wouldn’t have done what’. ” He does not care at all”. Remember; Men and Women are brained differently. So what’s clear or even obvious for you, it might not be for your partner.
2- The practice of taking full responsability for your emotional needs. Yes, Honoring them “All the time”. Be unapologetic about expressing what you wish and what is important for you, in a NON- demanding way. Expressing them with respect instead of complaining is the first step. Remember when you scream or complain the other isn’t listening necessarily.
3- The practice of “fixing less and accepting more”. I’m not talking about accepting situations that don’t honor your value as a human being. I mean the deep understanding that you are in a relationship not to change, but to embrace the uniqueness of who you are and the other as well.
4-The practice of value that NOT every human being is a good fit or good match for you. Many women get too “accommodating” in pleasing their partners and they don’t even question that he might not be the “right one”. That reduces a lot of frustration in trying to “make a relationship work” . When actually to much work could mean, different motivations, values, and levels of awareness. You have to be yourself .
Dear one, hope these practices brings some help for you and your relationship. Wherever you are, start with baby steps if you wish, to bring love honor your Self! That is really bringing power back!
Blessing and.. until the next one .